For the past three weeks or so, I’ve been struggling with anxiety and panic attacks. Let me tell you, they are NO FUN at all.
Tonight has been particularly difficult. I had five attacks right in a row (or perhaps one really long one that came in waves). Even now, almost four hours later, I’m still having slight heart palpitations, which is keeping me restless and awake.
I don’t know why I’m having them so bad tonight. I had such a great day, and was hoping I was over the worst of it. I could deal with them pretty easily except for the heart thing.
My heart starts fluttering or stutters, then the heart rate increases until I feel like I’ve been running a marathon. It’s incredibly difficult for me to remain calm when my heart is doing all these things. But I’ve got to remain as calm as possible, because freaking out about it only makes the situation worse.
I’m always worse at night, which means I don’t get much sleep. Which only exacerbates the problem because I’m feeling exhausted. My Doctor has prescribed some meds, that I hope and pray start kicking in soon.
On a somewhat funny note….I had called a 24 Hour Nurse line to ask them a couple of questions about my meds during another bad episode. The nurse started asking me questions, getting an assessment of my condition. At one point she asked “Are you having any thoughts of suicide or about hurting yourself?”
“Look,” I said. “I don’t WANT to die. I’m freaked because I FEEL like I am!” lol….